Building Your Village
The village is a topic consuming social media lately. Some proudly display elaborate gatherings and celebrate their personal village while others lament that the village no longer exists the way it once did. As someone who spent my whole life moving from state to state and moved across the country while pregnant with my first baby, I like to think I know a thing or two about building a supportive community. Here are 5 simple ways to create your village.
1. Be where the moms are
Mom groups, women's group at church, story time at the library, and your neighborhood park are all places you're bound to find another mom. Say hi, get to know each other and exchange information. Pick your favorite gathering and become a regular. This gives you a better chance at becoming good friends with a few people because you'll see them regularly. Everything you go to might not be your favorite and that's okay. Just try it all once and decide what's for you!
2. Interact with moms of all ages and stages
We often criticize older women for kissing babies' feet and saying "it goes so fast," but it really does make a difference to have an older mom who has done it before in your corner. There's an older lady at our church whose children are adults. She sits in the pew right behind us and my baby smiles at her the whole service. Its always reassuring to me to know that even when its difficult to get to church, my baby will be happy to see her. The same goes for moms who are just a little bit further into motherhood than you. Moms of four are a huge encouragement to me as a mom of one. They remember what it was like and I also see that moms are capable of even more than I'm managing right now. Different stages of motherhood really put things into a healthy perspective for me.
3. See a Need, Fill a Need
I try to make this my life motto. If you see something that needs to be done or someone who needs support, just do it. It doesn't need to be big and you probably won't make a new best friend out of it, but being on the lookout for people who need help gives us a focus outside of ourselves. Its scientific that helping others makes us happier and it makes you more approachable.
4. Don't be afraid to be awkward
You probably will be a little awkward. No problem. My new favorite thing to do is randomly start chatting with people in the baby aisles of target. I randomly interrupted someone the other day and told them they could have my nursing pillow because I never used it. Why on earth? No idea, but it made us all smile and I still think about how the family expecting a new baby was so kind and actually didn't think it was weird at all. Chances are you think you're more awkward than you're really coming off. Most people are just happy someone noticed them, which brings me to my last tip.
5. Compliment people
Their shirt, their smile, whatever you can come up with. If you see something you admire, say something. You'll never regret saying something kind.
Putting yourself out there is so important when it comes to making friends as a mom, but don't forget to make sure you're well cared for first. You need care just as much as your sweet new baby. Find personalized in-home postpartum support for the first year of motherhood by reaching out to Alex at inmothersarms.com
